Commentary: The Problem With Great Sex-pectations
Is there really something wrong with a little bump and grind? Well, that depends on who you ask.
When starting up a new relationship, you can’t help but field the question of whether or not you’re ready to make things physical, and you can’t help but hope your partner’s ideals align with your own. NFL baller Russell Wilson, however, could be changing the minds of a lot of folks when it comes to staying abstinent with girlfriend Ciara.
The Seattle Seahawks quarterback dropped some pearls of wisdom during a July 5 appearance at The Rock Church. Wilson, who is a devout Christian, said that God spoke to him and asked him to “lead” her down the righteous path.
“I met this girl named Ciara who was the most beautiful woman in the world, the most kind person, the most engaging person, everything that I could ever want,” he said. “She was on tour and I was looking at her in the mirror, and she was sitting there. And God spoke to me and said, ‘I need you to lead her.’ And I was like, ‘Really? Right now?’ And he goes, ‘No, I want you and need you to lead her.’ And I asked her, ‘What would you do if we took all that extra stuff off the table? And just did it Jesus’s way?’”
That “extra stuff,” he explained, is sexual intercourse before marriage. “Can we love each other without that? If you can really love someone without that then you can really love somebody,” he added.
“For me, I knew that God had brought me in her life to bless her and for her to bless me. We’re not going to be perfect, by any means. But he’s anointed both of us and he’s calling for us to do something special.”
Did your heart swell after reading that, too? It’s more than refreshing to see a man in the public eye speaking so candidly about his values, and it’s easy to see that he respects the “I Bet” singer for more than just the sultry moves she breaks out on stage and in her music videos. (See: here, here and here.)
We live in the age of instant gratification, where anything you want, including anonymous sex, is just a click away. I’d go as far as to argue some of you reading this are searching for something more. Wilson’s motivations are obviously faith-based, but stripping that away, you can connect the dots in his message that loving someone is more than a physical act.
Trust, faithfulness and loyalty can’t be sustained on a steady diet of ecstasy alone. Maybe you’re practicing safe sex freely, or maybe you're locking your cookie up for “the one” — at the very least, there’s value in having the courage to really talk about sex with your partner, what it means to each of you and, if you’re planning to make it a regular occurrence, what you want it to mean long term.
It’s stories like Wilson’s that suggest the “hit it and quit it” mentality of the past is waning in favor of something deeper, because we all want to feel loved, respected and cherished. Perhaps the first step is to define your values for yourself.
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