Living Single: 5 Reasons Why Black Women Can Enjoy Being Solo Dolo
Since the days of playing with dolls, Black women have been conditioned to believe that the ultimate life goal is to find “Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome.”
For decades, the fantasy consisted of falling in love, having a beautiful wedding ceremony, and living happily ever after. In recent years, things have changed as women continue to pivot their mindset to prioritize self-care, self-growth, and peace of mind.
“Black women are doing this thing to where we are reaching our full potential, and because of that, we don't have to just settle for anything anymore,” shares American Soul actress Perri Camper, when speaking about the topic with Jericka Duncan. “And I am okay if I don't get married.”
Census.gov reports that marriage rates in the United States have been declining since the second half of the 20th century as both men and women are increasingly waiting longer to get married. The rate is significantly higher among Black adults, particularly Black women.
In 1970, the population of never-married women was made up of 27.7% Black women and 35.6% Black males. Nonetheless, these figures had increased to 51.4% for Black males and 47.5% for Black women by 2020.
"I am single by choice," says sociologist Dr. Kris Marsh, author of the new book, The Love Jones Cohort: Single and Living Alone in the Black Middle Class, during a recent thought-provoking episode of BET’s news magazine series, "America In Black." "I will tell anybody not to come in here and disrupt my peace. If you're not going to protect my peace and preserve my peace, I’m not interested."
Single Black women can indeed protect and preserve their peace while nestled in a place called contentment, but how, you might ask? According to Marsh, it's all about leaning into the love they already have.
"We have found girlfriends, we have found sister circles, we have all kinds of relationships with other women that allow us to embrace and flourish in our singleness," says Marsh. "So while you're waiting for the romantic partner, please don't underestimate or undervalue the non-romantic partners and the sister girls that you have in your circle that you can draw from."
She adds, "You know, there are women out there who will say, ‘I've done the work. I'm of a certain age, I make great money, and I'm ready for a partner and potentially a family.' And I hope that it happens, but I hope it happens on your terms."
In consideration of being blissfully single, we spoke exclusively with single Black women who shared what they do to enjoy the single life while protecting and preserving their peace.
Making Self-Care a Priority
“I love the luxury of treating myself and exploring things that exude self-love,” says Jazmin Sherard. Whether it’s getting a simple massage or a manicure, a pedicure or both, she makes sure to love herself and make self-care a priority.
“Creating happiness that has nothing to do with anyone else is my favorite pastime,” she says. “Target trips, with a side of Starbucks, are my favorite things to do. Shopping for home goods and just passing the time alone brings me joy as a single Black woman.”
See The World
Whether it is a girl’s trip or a solo getaway, for Martie Bowser, travel is what she loves to do.
“As an entrepreneur, it's easy for me to get wrapped up in my bubble and the small world I create for myself,” Bowser tells us. “Traveling helps me break that monotony by introducing myself to new cultures and ways of life, which is the best way to unlock new levels of gratitude and understanding.”
Bowser also mentions that she takes the time to self-reflect and appreciate all that the world has to offer. “I take a moment to appreciate something natural and close to the spirit. I make it a point to visit nature, whether it be the ocean, mountains, forest, etc.”
Write It All Down
Macy Harrell has been single for a little over a year, and she has discovered that the solitude of being on your own allows you to connect deeper with yourself.
"There's a level of introspection you don't always have the space to tap into when you're with a partner," she tells us. "Keeping a record of my personal development and what life is teaching me through journaling allows me to reflect on my journey, tap into self-exploration, and fall in love with who I am."
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Find Your People
Harrell also says that meeting like minded people is a source of happiness when it comes to being single. "It’s always good news when I find out I'm going somewhere with other quality singles," she explains. "My outlook on mixers is more positive now because it's not as easy to meet people as it once was. I definitely appreciate these sorts of environments much more."
Harrell explains that she likes to have a good conversation with friends at a game night at her house. "We often associate that feeling with romantic intimacy, but my friends bring out so much joy in me," she adds. "They love me fully, and I can completely be myself around them."
Me, Myself and I
Leah Frazier says that she unapologetically does what she desires, including taking herself to a 5-star restaurant.
"I often treat myself to lavish dinners and excursions—because I can and because I deserve it," says the media personality. "If there’s a new restaurant in town that’s 5-star, reservation-only, and has all the bells and whistles, I’ll make a date with myself to experience it, and I’ll order whatever I want."
Frazier encourages others to get dressed to the nines, have their makeup done, and order car service. "Oftentimes we miss out on so much of life because we’ve been conditioned to think that we have to experience luxury or date nights as a "couple," when every minute that passes, you should be loving on yourself."
Listen Here!
If you're looking for more single inspiration, we suggest you check out these amazing podcasts that support being blissfully single, even when you’re NOT ready to mingle.
Experiencing Motherhood: Single & Black- A conversational podcast for single moms
Gettin' Grown- Keia and Jade are two happy and hard-working (Blackity) Black Women who are just trying to learn how to adult, for real. Check out the episode that features Dr. Marsh.
The Black Girl’s Guide 2 Bad Dating- A dialogue of two Black women's dating experiences with Black men. They share the challenges, realities, and even offer some suggestions.
Watch America in Black for more on Dr. Kris Marsh’s commentary and other features interviews, celebrity profiles and in-depth investigative reporting focused on important stories impacting and shaping Black America.
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