When Rene Dugar learned she had cancer in her breast some 30 years ago, she opted for a mastectomy with immediate reconstruction.  “I was 38. I’m 60 now,” she tells BET.com. “They discovered it was DCIS,” she says, referring to Ductal carcinoma in situ, a non-invasive cancer in the milk ducts that’s considered stage zero. Though it has a high survival rate, it can still affect Black (and Asian) women disproportionately and lead to an increased probability of mortality. Three years later, she saw a dermatologist about a lump on her reconstructed breast, which turned out to be cancerous. “I started the Red Devil,” Dugar says, referring to the morbid nickname for chemotherapy––an intensely rough treatment with debilitating side effects. Still, she made it through and was fine until 2019. 

“Now, I’m metastatic, which means it’s terminal,” she says.

Dugar says this flatly, calmly, and in a matter-of-fact way. Though this is an unpleasant topic of discussion, she tells BET that one of the things she wants people with family or friends in similar situations to do is get more comfortable accepting it. One of her relatives, she says, is like a typical man. “He just puts his head in the sand.” Another, she says, is stretched thin herself, serving as a caregiver to her children and grandchildren while, Dugar says, “in a bit of denial.” She wishes people with loved ones who have cancer would get over their skittishness and treat their loved ones like someone who’s still living. “They kind of have to fight their own discomfort and be realistic,” she says. “They may have had relatives who were not honest about what was going on with their health. I remember as a kid, people would hear that a friend had cancer, they stopped seeing them. Your friend with cancer is still that person. They can’t change it. Sometimes it’s a matter of just sending a text, or going to dinner, or maybe they need a ride to the grocery store. They're still very much living.” 

Most days, she tries to maintain physicality as much as possible, maximizing the hours when she has the most energy, which is often morning. She travels as much as possible, recently going to Las Vegas for the first time for a friend’s wedding. “My priority is family and staying healthy as long as possible.” 

Another thing Dugar wants people to know: be more proactive about their breast health. “Get mammograms earlier than later,” she advises. “So much of the discomfort [in the moment] is better than the torturous procedures later.” Her advice echoes recommendations from doctors and medical researchers, who advise Black women to have conversations with doctors as early as age 30––much earlier than the 50-year mark for women of other backgrounds––since breast cancer can be more aggressive in Black women and causes mortality 40 percent more often than white women, according to the Mayo Clinic. Dugar also wants people to know that who is treating you is as important as prevention, and the care received should get you a diagnosis. Her first occurrence, she says, was handled by a team that was entirely women. “I’ve only had one team [with men] and that’s when things were a little more lackadaisical.” Research backs this up too: a study has shown that having a woman physician can result in better outcomes, according to Medical News Today. 

Finally, Dugar wants people to know that keeping a positive attitude is crucial. “I had to decide when I got [a life expectancy] of two years that I wasn’t dying immediately,” she says, which prompted her to make all her remaining time count. “A lot of my filters are gone. A lot of people I would normally tolerate in my life I don’t anymore, cause that’s just a lot of energy.” Same with holding on to feelings of lament or grief or anger. “Of course you have to do things that are hard, but I have to keep on living.”