Our Favorite NFL Player Names Of The Decade
What’s in a name? Everything really, it’s your brand, it’s your label. It’s also what will land you on our favorite NFL names of this decade list. Here are our top 11 NFL names of the 2010s.
Honorable Mention:
De’Coldest “Toevadoit” Crawford
He’s not in the NFL and he may not ever make it, but that’s the most badass named
human in the world. His folks should be awarded an honorary Hesiman trophy and a Nobel Prize for that name. His dad probably wears velvet house shoes and a mink smoking jacket at all times. His mom’s purse probably has “BAD MF” emblazoned on it like Jules’ wallet from “Pulp Fiction”. Let’s keep an eye on DTC in the next decade. He’s going to live up to that name.
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11. Houston Texan’s Key’vantanie “Keke” Coutee
First of all, it’s pronounced Kee-VAN-tuh-nee, second of all that’s amazing.
Sure it sounds like the lost member of Jodeci or the child in your kids day care center who bites people, but the name is as audacious as this undersized wide receiver's dreams as becoming the athlete he is today. Imagine if you were told you were too small for pro sports and that your dream was ridiculous, only to say to them “my name is Key’vantanie, ridiculous is my first name.”
10. Minnesota Vikings’ Hercules Mata’afa
Two things come to mind when hearing the name Hercules. First, the the son of Zeus and half-brother of Perseus from Greek Mythology (which is a perfectly bad ass figure to be named after), the other thing that comes to mind upon hearing the name, The fat, flatulent kid from The Nutty Professor movies. Which was he named after? According to an interview with CBS, he says “My mom was stuck between two names for me: Anthony or Hercules. I was born the heaviest baby out of the seven kids in our family and was able to support my head on my own as an infant...my mom said ‘okay, his name has to be Hercules’” So he’s clearly named after the movie.
9. Oakland Raiders’ Richie Incognito
After several years of questionable to criminal behavior, Richie Incognito
probably wants to stay out of sight in Oakland. He was suspended from the Miami
Dolphins in 2013 for bullying and racist comments. 2018 he allegedly threatened to shoot up an Arizona funeral home after they refused to give him his deceased father’s head. It’s hard enough to go unnoticed at 6’3” and 300 pounds plus. Hopefully Richie can keep it together and go incognito for the remainder of this decade.
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8. Seattle SeaHawks' Barkevious Mingo
The formula for this one is easier than you think, Barkevious (pronounced Bar-Key-Vious) is the first three letters of his mom, Barbara Johnson’s, first name then add his cousin Alkevious name. What did the Dad, Hugh Mingo think of all this? Well the other Mingo’s are named Hugh Jr., Hughtavious, Leekie and LaDarain, so what do you think?
7. Oakland Raiders’ Vontaze Burfict
Vontaze Burfict is possibly the most penalized player in the game. He’s currently serving
a season long suspension for a vicious hit on Colts tight end Jack Doyle. Vontaze would’ve been right at home during the leather helmet “walk it off” era. When he retires, maybe they should call illegal hits “Burficts.”
6. Tampa Bay Buccaneers' Blaine Gabbert
Blaine Gabbert, backup QB for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, isn't much of a name for a pirate, but it’s perfect for the rich teenage villain in an 80’s movie. One who wears a lavender cashmere sweater draped over his shoulders with docksiders and high water khakis. He’s trying to derail the plans of the neighborhood kids that are raising money to save the local rec center. Ultimately he fails to stop them and learns the value of teamwork at the end.
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5. San Francisco 49er’s Jaquiski Tartt
Jaquiski Tartt is the first player in Samford school history to go in the second round or higher and the first Samford player ever drafted by the San Francisco 49ers. He’s closing out the decade with some great plays at safety for the 49ers and leads the league in degree of difficulty for name pronunciation and biggest discrepancy between spelling and pronunciation. It’s juh-KWAH-skee.
4. Dallas Cowboys’ Leighton Vander Esch
No, he’s not an old-timey shipping magnate who wears a monocle and has a handlebar mustache; nor is he Inheriting a fortune from his family’s centuries old aglet making business in the Swiss Alps. He’s just a dude from Idaho balling for the Dallas Cowboys. It should be noted that the Dallas Cowboys’ coaches gave him the nickname “The Wolf Hunter” after he showed them pictures of himself and his dad hunting wolves in Alaska. Not sure if the name or the nickname is better.
3. Kansas City Chiefs’ Taysom Hill
I thought Taysom would look more like Tyreek Hill, the Chiefs all-pro wide receiver, than
Hank Hill, the foremost expert on propane and propane accessories. The Saints’ do-it all quarterback, running back, receiver, kick returner, punt returner, special teams specialist, and tight end is a match up problem anyway you slice it. “Athletic” used to be coded language for “Black”, but it suits cousin Taysom just fine. See you at the cookout!
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2. Jake Butt
Jonathan Duane "Jake" Butt plays tight end for the Denver Broncos. Can you imagine? A tight end named “Butt”!? That’s what would happen if you gave a school bully the chance to create his ultimate victim using some kind of bullying victim name generating machine. At least he has a sense of humor about it which is evident by his instagram handle, @JBooty80.
1. Lil’ Jordan Humphrey
And the winner is New Orleans Saints rookie wideout Lil’ Jordan Humphrey. Not to be
confused with Lil’ Wayne, Lil’ Baby or Lil’ Bill. Lil’ is actually his first name, not a nickname. Read that again. Also, he didn’t get much burn this year, but if his last two seasons at Texas are any indicator of, he’s definitely got game so prepare to hear a lot more of this amazing name in the future.
