The modeling industry may look like it’s all glitz, glam, and flashing lights, but it can be cruel sometimes. And according to South Sudanese supermodel Ajak Deng, it is just that. 

Ajak recently took to Instagram sharing a heartbreaking video about living the life as a model most people want, but expressing that there is a dark side. “You don’t know how lonely it is at the top,” Ajak says in the video. She is visibly emotional, crying and, eventually, yelling into the phone blasting the agency she works with. 

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“The life that everybody always f**king wants, right? You wanna be a f**king model, you wanna be this, you wanna be a successful one, but the thing is, you don’t know how lonely it is at the top. And not only that, the people that work with you are constantly telling you you need to be a better person. And that you’re a horrible person. Constantly. On a daily basis. I’m sick and tired. I’m done. If I do commit suicide, know that I commit suicide because of you mother**kers. I’m done with this s**t. I’m done. I can’t do it.”

The supermodel has walked in runway shows for the New York, London and Milan Fashion Weeks. She’s also been featured in international fashion campaigns but has always been vocal about what it’s like being Black in the contentious industry. Ajek was a part of a BET series last year where she opened up about her experiences as a Sudanese model. 

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Ajak has since removed the video and thanked her social community for their concerns but assured everyone that she is indeed feeling OK. May is mental health awareness month, so let’s keep Ajak in our prayers.