Black men should have a fruitful non-monogamous life if they choose to. But when it comes to the aggressive promotion of these relationships by male celebrities like Nick Cannon, Ne-Yo, and Kofi Siriboe, I’m not sure if they’re trying to prove to us or themselves that they’ve figured it out.

As an unmarried woman, I’ve had some reservations about jumping the broom after seeing toxic marital patterns firsthand. They’ve been observed through two divorces that one of my parents had nearly ten years apart; witnessing friends call it quits shortly after having children with an ex-spouse; and seeing the decline of marriage in pop culture at large. Divorce statistics in the U.S. are just as disappointing, and although the overall rate has declined, as of 2024, roughly 43 percent of marriages are legally dissolved. While the hope for a lasting marriage is all perspective, the aforementioned men, and allegedly, Shaquille O’Neal, have stopped trying to demonstrate that they’re husband material and have opted for multiple women simultaneously.

I have a polyamorous friend who went from a monogamous relationship to refusing to settle for just one partner again. Not a huge deal; I welcome their perspective about sexual experimentation and strengthening communication with their mates. But here’s the difference between my friend and the male celebrities we’ll get into shortly–they’re under 30. They’ve never been married and, to my understanding, haven't proposed, and, without cheating, they’ve learned early on that they’re not cut out for monogamy. 

In thinking about male entertainers who’ve either co-signed polyamory or alluded to the lifestyle, it would make more sense if these men got it out of their systems in their younger and mostly single years. The problem comes in when it feels like they’re weaponizing non-monogamy as a ploy to upset their exes, especially when they share children with them. It can also be argued that they distract themselves from healing attachment wounds. More concerning is that Cannon, Ne-Yo, who currently has four girlfriends, and O’Neal are fathers. Since young minds pick up everything, how their parents move in relationships greatly influences their eventual dating and, for daughters in particular, their self-esteem. To me, and perhaps others, these men are forcefully trying to turn back time after ending monogamous relationships.

Motivational speaker Dr. Umar was frank in his “Counsel Culture” sitdown with Cannon when he confronted the media personality about possibly wanting to reconcile with his ex-wife, Mariah Carey. Cannon, who has a dozen children, squirmed and grasped for a direct answer, but his reaction said it all. While he hasn’t explicitly admitted to being polyamorous, one could even guess that there was overlap between five of his children’s mothers, excluding Carey.

As for Ne-Yo, Siriboe, and O’Neal, they’ve all admitted to not wanting to be responsible for the emotions and insecurities of one sole partner. Fair, but the question remains: Have they done enough internal digging to understand why that is? It isn’t too late for these men to date freely and not be tied down, but maybe they should refrain from publicizing their non-monogamy until they get to the root of their commitment issues.