How to Get What You Want in Bed

Try these strategies to have the best sex of your life.

Get Yours! - Characters in movies may have picture-perfect sex every time without saying a word, but in real life, having a love connection doesn’t mean you can read each other’s minds. So if you’re not getting everything you want in bed, it’s your right — no, your duty — to speak up. Try one of these strategies to have the best sex of your life. By Kenrya Rankin Naasel (Photo: Getty Images/STOCK)

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Get Yours! - Characters in movies may have picture-perfect sex every time without saying a word, but in real life, having a love connection doesn’t mean you can read each other’s minds. So if you’re not getting everything you want in bed, it’s your right — no, your duty — to speak up. Try one of these strategies to have the best sex of your life. By Kenrya Rankin Naasel (Photo: Getty Images/STOCK)

Time it right. - You know your man best, so let his personality be your guide in picking the right time to let him know what you need. For some couples, that’s right in the moment, while for others, you might want to save the talk until you’re outside the bedroom to avoid making him feel judged. Whatever you do, don’t do it right before sex because that would just create anxiety, better known as the biggest libido killer ever. (Photo: Justin Horrocks/Getty Images)

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Time it right. - You know your man best, so let his personality be your guide in picking the right time to let him know what you need. For some couples, that’s right in the moment, while for others, you might want to save the talk until you’re outside the bedroom to avoid making him feel judged. Whatever you do, don’t do it right before sex because that would just create anxiety, better known as the biggest libido killer ever. (Photo: Justin Horrocks/Getty Images)

5. Bring an Open Mind - So you've decided that you'll go on the road with your boo, right? It could go extremely well or extremely bad, but the best thing to do is keep positive energy always. You're going with your boo, for goodness sake! It can't be that bad!(Photo: Monkey Business Images/Getty Images)

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Be nice. - If you decide to talk to him during a neutral moment, start by telling him something you like about what he does in bed. Then tell him what you’d love him to do more of, while sticking to “I language” to take the pressure off his ego. For example, “I love it when you kiss the back of my neck. But I don’t really get excited when you put your tongue in my ear.”

Interracial Dating May Not Be for You - What works for some may not work for others. If you find that dating a non-Black person isn’t for you and that you prefer to be with someone Black, then that’s OK, too. It’s good to try out new things and find out what you want for sure. (Photo: Skip ODonnell/GettyImages)

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Start earlier. - Yes, we all want more touching before the main event, that’s a given. But the real foreplay should start well before your clothes come off. It obviously can’t happen every time you do the do, but whenever possible, kick things off with a great meal, a good convo, a walk for ice cream — anything that makes you feel connected to your man outside the bedroom will make you feel more connected when you’re naked. (Photo: Skip ODonnell/GettyImages)

Don’t fake it. - Just say no to the faux “O.” Sure, it may put an end to a seemingly unending session, but this is the worst thing you can do. You’ll make him think that he’s giving you the business even when he’s not. The result: he’ll keep using the same tired methods every time you get together. (Photo: Justin Horrocks/Getty Images)

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Don’t fake it. - Just say no to the faux “O.” Sure, it may put an end to a seemingly unending session, but this is the worst thing you can do. You’ll make him think that he’s giving you the business even when he’s not. The result: he’ll keep using the same tired methods every time you get together. (Photo: Justin Horrocks/Getty Images)

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Real Talk - You would think that for as long as people have been having sex, we would collectively have a better understanding of it. But alas, there are several myths that refuse to die. Here, we break ’em down. By Kenrya Rankin Naasel (Photo: GettyImages) 

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Show, don’t tell. - If he’s literally rubbing you the wrong way, move his hand to where you want it. Or better yet, use your own hand and show him exactly what motion to use and how much pressure you like. Not only will he be receptive and eager to please, but seeing you take matters into your own hands will ratchet up his desire. Plus it’s more fun for you. Win-win!

Discuss your fantasies. - Want to do something outside your typical sex box? Start a convo about fantasies in a low-stress situation, like over dinner out. Tell him what you’d like him to do to you and encourage him to share a fantasy with you, too. Have trouble getting up the courage to talk about it? Go shopping. If you want to be spanked, kinky boots on your feet and a paddle on the nightstand could be just the encouragement he needs… (Photo: Peter Macdiarmid/Getty Images)

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Discuss your fantasies. - Want to do something outside your typical sex box? Start a convo about fantasies in a low-stress situation, like over dinner out. Tell him what you’d like him to do to you and encourage him to share a fantasy with you, too. Have trouble getting up the courage to talk about it? Go shopping. If you want to be spanked, kinky boots on your feet and a paddle on the nightstand could be just the encouragement he needs… (Photo: Peter Macdiarmid/Getty Images)

What Is Rape? - Rape is defined as sexual intercourse that is forced on a person without their consent. Rape can happen when someone physically forces you to have sex or threatens to hurt you. It can also happen when you are unable to consent from being drunk, drugged and/or unconscious. (Photo: isitsharp/Getty Images)

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Give real time feedback. - Tell him what he’s doing right in the moment. Vocalize your pleasure — your moans, dirty talk and "right there’"s will help him know what works and make him feel good about his performance. And if you quiet down when things aren’t so hot, he’ll know to switch it up. (Photo: isitsharp/Getty Images)

Be voyeurs. - Head to your laptop and watch a little porn together. Seeing what you like to watch will give him insight into what turns you on and vice versa. If that feels too graphic for you, try reading something sexy together. There’s a reason why Fifty Shades of Grey was such a big deal (hint: it wasn’t the quality of the writing). (Photo: Vintage Books)

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Be voyeurs. - Head to your laptop and watch a little porn together. Seeing what you like to watch will give him insight into what turns you on and vice versa. If that feels too graphic for you, try reading something sexy together. There’s a reason why Fifty Shades of Grey was such a big deal (hint: it wasn’t the quality of the writing). (Photo: Vintage Books)