What to Say to Depressed Loved Ones

The dos and don'ts of being there for someone.

The Dos and The Don’ts of Support - If anything is clear about Oscar-winning actor Robin Williams’ tragic death, it’s that depression can kill. It’s also very complicated for the loved ones of people who suffer from mental health issues as well. Here’s what to (and what not to) say to people who are depressed. —Kellee Terrell(Photo: Neilson Barnard/Getty Images)

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The Dos and The Don’ts of Support - If anything is clear about Oscar-winning actor Robin Williams’ tragic death, it’s that depression can kill. It’s also very complicated for the loved ones of people who suffer from mental health issues as well. Here’s what to (and what not to) say to people who are depressed. —Kellee Terrell(Photo: Neilson Barnard/Getty Images)

Don’t: Tell Them Life Could Be Worse - Perhaps life could be worse in your eyes, but for your loved one who is depressed, life right now is pretty bad. So don’t try to undermine their pain with your version of a “pep talk” meant to “snap them” out of it. Also, don't question someone's manhood for being depressed—depression is not a feminine trait. (Photo: Corbis)

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Don’t: Tell Them Life Could Be Worse - Perhaps life could be worse in your eyes, but for your loved one who is depressed, life right now is pretty bad. So don’t try to undermine their pain with your version of a “pep talk” meant to “snap them” out of it. Also, don't question someone's manhood for being depressed—depression is not a feminine trait. (Photo: Corbis)

Love Eases Your Pain - Being in love causes the brain to release dopamine, which acts on the same parts of the brain that are soothed when you take painkillers.  (Photo: Inti St Clair/Blend Images/Corbis)

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Do: Point Out Alarming Behavior - Sometimes people who are depressed might not understand or know that they are depressed (or don’t want to admit it). If you are worried about someone, point out that you’ve noticed certain behaviors such as sleeping all day, staying in the house a lot, not eating, not answering phone calls, etc. Just make sure you do it in a loving and nonjudgmental manner. (Photo: Inti St Clair/Blend Images/Corbis)

Don’t: Tell Them That God Is the Answer - Faith can be an extremely comforting aspect of life, but when it comes to depression, prayer doesn’t cure all. Chronic and severe depression doesn’t go away without doing the work, and that work may consist of medication and therapy. (Photo: Christopher Futcher/Getty IMages)

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Don’t: Tell Them That God Is the Answer - Faith can be an extremely comforting aspect of life, but when it comes to depression, prayer doesn’t cure all. Chronic and severe depression doesn’t go away without doing the work, and that work may consist of medication and therapy. (Photo: Christopher Futcher/Getty IMages)

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Do Encourage Therapy - Therapy isn’t easy, especially if you come from a family that doesn’t believe in it. Encouraging and praising someone for going to therapy is an important aspect of people getting and continuing with the help they need. (Photo: iStockphoto/Getty Image)

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Do: Remind Them There is Hope - It may not seem like it right now, but always reinforce that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Remind them to not give up on their treatment and/or to keep taking their medication. Remind them that you will always be there and that you will always love them—depression can never change that. (Photo: ERproductions Ltd/Blend Images/Corbis)

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Do: Remind Them There is Hope - It may not seem like it right now, but always reinforce that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Remind them to not give up on their treatment and/or to keep taking their medication. Remind them that you will always be there and that you will always love them—depression can never change that. (Photo: ERproductions Ltd/Blend Images/Corbis)

Do: Ask What You Can Do For Them - Instead of telling them what they need to do, be open to being there for them in the ways that they need you to be. That can be anything from checking in on them everyday, hanging out once a week, just listening to them, etc.(Photo: Ronnie Kaufman/Larry Hirshowitz/Blen Images/Corbis)

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Do: Ask What You Can Do For Them - Instead of telling them what they need to do, be open to being there for them in the ways that they need you to be. That can be anything from checking in on them everyday, hanging out once a week, just listening to them, etc.(Photo: Ronnie Kaufman/Larry Hirshowitz/Blen Images/Corbis)

What’s Up With Victim Blaming? - It happens often that instead of focusing on the rape and the perpetrator, the blame unjustly shifts toward the actual victim. The victim can be scrutinized for her past sexual behavior, what she was wearing or how much she was drinking. This can lead to shame, depression and not reporting the attack.   (Photo: Bruce Laurance/Getty Images)

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Don’t: Make Them Feel Bad For Not Being Like You - It’s great that you are a strong person who can take on a lot of stress or trauma without breaking down, but throwing that in your loved one’s face won’t help. Their depression is real, and it may be due to a chemical imbalance and not really so much about their coping skills. (Photo: Bruce Laurance/Getty Images)

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Get Closure - Don't jump into 2022 with a heavy heart. If 2021 brought you heartbreak, leave that negative energy behind. If you're over your ex, but haven't completely healed from the relationship, maybe you need closure. Consider meeting with your former flame at a neutral location to get whatever you need off your chest so you’re able to let go for good. Or maybe it’s a letter to him or to yourself or even a phone call. Trust us, you'll leave feeling relieved afterward.  (Photo: db2staock/Image Source/Corbis)

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Do: Your Best to Understand and Empathize - It’s hard to understand what depression feels like if you aren’t going through it. So instead of trying to say you know what it’s like, remember that you really don’t know. But you can learn, research the disease and be open to just being a shoulder to cry on.(Photo: db2stock/Image Source/Corbis)

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Sex Is Biological, But So Is the Spread of STIs - Waiting can help prevent the spread of sexually transmitted infections (STI). This is because when you’ve taken the time to get to know a potential mate, you’ll learn about their sexual past and may even feel comfortable enough to ask them to take a STI test. And once you’ve built up a meaningful relationship, the monogamy will decrease the chances of contracting future infections.(Photo: Image Source/Corbis)

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Do: Ask Them If They Have Thought About Suicide - Yes, the answer could be devastating, but the question needs to be asked. Not asking is the difference between life and death. If someone admits to being suicidal, contact their doctor or mental health professional and call National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255 for advice. If they have hurt themselves, call 911 immediately. Read more tips on addressing suicide at MayoClinic.Com.  (Photo: Image Source/Corbis)