All Black girls have experienced at least one creepy older man.

It can be a strange passerby who catcalls them to impress their homies, or if by themselves, seeks to elicit a reaction from an unsuspecting young lady. Sometimes it can be a teacher or trusted mentor who twists a child’s vulnerability into putting them into inappropriate situations. More often, it’s a family member through blood or marriage who gets away with the act of sexualizing a juvenile relative because an adult isn’t suspicious, or chooses not to be. 

The latter is what happened in the case of Na'Ziyah Harris, a 13-year-old girl who disappeared last January, and was allegedly raped and groomed by her uncle-in-law, Jarvis Butts, 42. Harris’ body has not been recovered after the teen reportedly got off her school bus, although prosecutors are accusing Butts of murder. In addition to charges of murder, criminal sexual conduct and sexual assault, Butts is also accused of sexually abusing two other children, who were under 13 at the time of being targeted. Butts, who pleaded not guilty, begins trial in October.

In the same city, a now-suspended Detroit police officer, Earl Anderson Jr., 37, sent his 12-year-old stepdaughter compromising text messages, demanding that she erase the messages so her biological parents would not discover them. Thankfully, the girl’s father and aunt swung into action, leading to Anderson being arrested and charged with accosting a child.

These incidents put a stain on the Motor City, but moreover, reignites the conversation about why Black families and community elders turn a blind eye to these atrocities. Maybe they want to keep the peace, choosing not to believe fearful young girls to keep male relatives safe. Frequently, it’s because nothing will happen if girls speak up. After all, they’re sexualized early on. As a teenager, older men made so many suggestive remarks to me that I lost count or tried not to remember them altogether. The ones I vividly remember were when I was alone in public. One man demanded that I thank him for telling me that he liked my shape; Another grimaced at my age and sped off after trying to get me into his car; a third was a group of white men, one threatening to perform sodomy on me before the group fled. All happened before I was 17 years old.

Black girls are rarely given the tools to speak up when they’re uncomfortable, a misdeed that needs to change immediately. We’re disproportionately at risk for sex abuse, with fifteen Black women refusing to report being raped for every Black woman who does. The psychological effects are glaring, with survivors engaging in high-risk behaviors like unprotected sex or having depression and PTSD. 

To prevent Black girls from being silenced involving coercive sexual contact, communication should begin at home. It starts with not denying the truth about an uncle or father-like figure that makes them uneasy, and it should always mean going to the authorities when boundaries are crossed. Our girls already go unprotected in other facets of life–let’s ensure we hear them.